I went from single girl to lover girl in a whirlwind of time. It feels like months have passed and I’ve only known you for a couple of weeks. Time seems to stand still when we’re together. Constantly on my mind. Squealing in my apartment as I pray for you.
The fear of your job set in. Retired military serving his community through a local fire department. I could feel the fear of losing him. I could feel the helplessness of losing my person so quickly. In a split moment I could feel terror swirling around in the pit of my gut.
Father, keep him protected. Having gone through so much life, an expert in his field. His mind operates differently than the average person because he isn’t average. Thinking of him brings a sweet smile to my face, my heart rests and settles. He gives me butterflies, nervous energy at first, now there’s an exciting comfort.
I am safe. In past relationships I would struggle with initiating physical touch and I would overthink every word. With him, I can rest with no words, my mind isn’t running. I’m safe to touch him because I know he’ll revive me with love. I look forward to giving him my time and space. Sitting together on the sofa while I did my homework, laughing and talking like teenagers.
He looks at me and says “this is sort of romantic, us sitting here in the simplest way.” It’s the quiet moments with him that mean the most. Sitting quietly holding hands while watching a movie. Or the warm evening walk after a nice meal, laughing and talking about our future together. His name coming across my screen.
It’s in these moments that death seems to be so imminent. A couple of weeks ago I didn’t know he existed and now I couldn’t imagine a life without knowing him. To think that life without him could possibly exist almost brings tears to my eyes.
Because crazy enough if he asked, I’d say “I do” today.
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